Hye Thyme Cafe: Finish the Sentence Friday: The Most Unexpected Part of Being a Grownup is ...

Welcome to the Hy
e Thyme Cafe. Although not all of my recipes are Armenian, the name is a little nod to my Armenian grandmother who is no longer with us. The Hye refers to all things related to her homeland, and she represents all things food-related to me, so the two just seemed to go together. I can't even claim that my Armenian recipes are truly Armenian, since Greece, Turkey, Armenia, Lebanon, Syria, and even Egypt share so many foods that they've all sort of morphed into one over thousands of years.

Whether you like to cook, bake, have never done either, or just like to play with your food...come on in and join me! :)


Friday, February 28, 2014

Finish the Sentence Friday: The Most Unexpected Part of Being a Grownup is ...



I somehow managed to fall off the grid when it comes to Finish the Sentence Fridays.  Things were busy around the holidays, of course, but then I just wasn't feeling it for some reason.  I can't say I'm any more attuned to this week's prompt, but I do miss the group, so I figured if I was ever going to jump back in, there's no time like the present.  This week's prompt is:  The most unexpected part of being a grownup is ...

I can't actually say that I found anything unexpected about being a grownup.  I think I came into this phase of life fully prepared for the responsibilities and struggles that were likely to surface.  Rather, it's a matter of what was unexpected to my my life personally as a grownup.

There are things you know ahead of time, like there will be times in life when you could face financial hardship, and how much is SUX that you no longer get the entire summer off because of work, or that since you're no longer a kid and don't believe in Santa Claus, you won't get half as many Christmas presents (sniffle, sniffle, sob), but there are other things I fully expected that didn't happen.

I fully expected to get married, have kids, a dog, a house and, if possible, adopt either an older child because they're harder to place, or maybe siblings, for the same reason.   Those were things I "expected," but none of them have happened.

In my early 20s, I saw all of my friends getting married - some made sense, and they're still in great relationships.  Others seemed to be doing it just because they were at the age when they were "supposed to" get married and many, understandably, ended in disaster, while others are just plugging along, not happy, but not willing to throw in the towel.  I have yet to meet anyone I want to spend the rest of my life with, so rather that a temporary hubby, I'll stick to more casual relationships. 

As for kids, people are always telling me what a fantastic mother I would be and that I should go ahead and have kids even though I'm not married, because there's no "stigma" associated with that nowadays. Really?  That would be the big concern??  How about the fact that if I had kids on my own, I would have to take on another job just to pay for daycare, which would mean I would never have the time to be with them?  It's one thing to already have kids and end up that situation, having to make the best of it ... but to intentionally have kids knowing you won't be able to devote your full attention to them is a whole other thing. Maybe some day I'll win the lottery and can still adopt ... or I'll end up marrying someone who already has kids.

The funny thing is that at one of my office holiday parties when I was still living in New Orleans, a supposed psychic was brought in as part of the entertainment for the day.  She told me that I would have not one, but two marriages.  The first would be the true love of my life and be cut short by his death.  The second would be quite long.  Given that I'm already on the downside of my 40s, how pessimistic is she about marriage??  Either that first marriage will be VERY short, or my second hubby and I will be living into our 100s together.  Only time will tell ...  ;)

What about you?  Was there something that came as a complete shock to you as a grownup?



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Next week's prompt will be:  "What I really want to scream out loud is ..."



25 comments:

  1. Just so happy to see you back and have missed you. By the way, this sounds so much like my best friend, who is not married and doesn't have children, but has gone to a psychic in the past that told her similar. She too has said similar to you on a more then one occasion on this now, too.

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    1. Hmmmm, I wonder if we saw the same psychic? ;)

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  2. How refreshingly honest this post is Chris! Got my all my crossables crossed that the psychic's prophecy comes true - at least in some form - soon!

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    1. LOL - not at this rate! It's been so cold out, I'm in hibernation right now. ;)

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  3. Psychics can really be fun, as long as one doesn't take them serious. I agree with your being so responsible as to putting your own wishes on the backburners while thinking about the life a kid would have with a single parent. I bet this was so hard to do sometimes, but definitely the right thing, Chris! You're such a competent adult :-)

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    1. Fortunately, I moved to NY where my sister and her family are, so I had a few years to spoil her boys before they were out on their own. That will have to do ... at least for now. ;)

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  4. I love your honesty. I think you would be a good parent since you are *smart*. Love that you aren't settling, that you are still rocking life, and it is so nice to "meet" via FTSF. Because know that I will be angling for an invitation to come over and eat some food.

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    1. LOL - If you lived closer, I'd invite you over tomorrow! Not sure what's on the menu though. I'm thinking about trying a smoked (without an actual smoker) brisket because my favorite is at a local BBQ joint. :)

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  5. I applaud your thoughts on motherhood: " It's one thing to already have kids and end up that situation, having to make the best of it ... but to intentionally have kids knowing you won't be able to devote your full attention to them is a whole other thing." I whole-heartedly agree!

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    1. It does make me sad, but it wouldn't be fair to them. I sometimes feel guilty for not having kids for my sister's kids to have cousins to grow up with, but that's a whole other story lol.

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  6. I think we dropped off the grid at the same time. I missed this group, too.

    Last week, I went to a dear friend's wedding. She is fifty-four and oh-so-glad to have waited for the right one. She as my mentor and taught me a lot about being a woman. Perhaps most important is that IF you still want the husband and stepkids or adopted kids, they can still happen and maybe your relationship will be better for having waited. Good luck and see you around.

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    1. Nice to know there's hope for me yet! ;)

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  7. I was one of the people who married because I was almost 30. We got divorced a couple of years later. Also my dad and his wife met when they were 60, so you have lots of time ahead to have your marriage(s) - if you want. I hope the psychic was wrong about becoming a widow though....that would suck.

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  8. Hmmm, don't think I'll be popping out any kids at 60 though (even if it was possible lol). I hope that psychic was wrong/fake too! The last thing I want is to finally get married and worry about that! :(

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  9. The closing paragraph about the psychic and your marriage just killed me, you are hilarious!

    And yes, I too still can't get over the fact that the first twelve years of my educational life programmed me to expect a two month summer vacation... :-P

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    1. I do actually believe in psychics ... but NOT that one lol.

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  10. I believe there shouldn't be any pressure to get married or have kids, because there's no point in either if you're not ready for the commitment. I hope the psychic is wrong, and you find happiness with the right person, whether you get married or not!

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    1. Oh, I'm ready for it, just haven't met the right person. I'm not worried about the psychic lol - I'm guessing from not only my, but other readings I heard her do that day that she's not even remotely psychic.

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  11. oh wow...what a weird prediction. I am scared to go to a psychic...so scared of what I might hear and then turn into reality because i am always thinking it, LOL

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    1. Ah yes, the self-fulfilled prophecy. I still remember my first ... went to school wearing my first pair of high heels. When getting off the bus on my way home, I kept saying in my head - don't fall down the stairs, don't fall down the stairs - so I naturally went face first down the bus stairs, papers flying everywhere. Heard one of the guys from my neighborhood still on the bus say ... "That HAAAAD to be Chrissy!!!" Yup, there I was sprawled out and bleeding on the ground, one heel broken. :(

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  12. Well I'm voting for the living into your 100's idea - sounds good to me. {Of course I still believe in Santa Claus :-)
    Fun post!

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    1. Well, my grandmother lived to 108, sooooo ... ;)

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  13. This post was such an interesting read, Chris. I definitely share your perspective on not making a deliberate decision to bring kids into the world knowing that you can't devote the required time to them. I had a little chuckle reading your last paragraph about the physic too :)

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